This is not the kind of thing I’d normally write about, but several people have asked me how things, like, go when you fly alone with an infant.  I’m approaching level 398 in the Candy Crush Saga of infant travel, so I’m pretty good (I have no idea, I just googled how many levels there are in that thing everyone talks about.  425.) and I will share my secrets with all of you.  Because 4 people asked.

When traveling with infants or other small irritants, remember this rule: IT NEVER HURTS TO ASK.  So first, ask the check-in person if there’s a family security line.  Most people will wonder what you’re talking about, but some airports have them.  If they do, you pretty much get to walk right up to the scanners, while all the people in line shoot daggers at you.  Especially the ones in line with their whiney kids.  They didn’t ask.  Not your fault, head down, keep walking.

Now that we’ve gotten up to the security scanners, here’s what you “need” (because obviously you don’t need half of this junk, but this is my system and 4 of you asked):

• baby carrier (like an Ergo)
  
• baby stroller-carseat togetherness thing
  
  (If your kid is older and not in an infant seat, they make a “travel cart” that turns a regular carseat into a thing you can drag behind you with your kid in it.  Brilliant.  Then you can skip the whole stroller nonsense.)
• bag for gate-checking the car seat

• bag for gate-checking the stroller
  
• diaper bag full of things you already know you need.
  
  Oh.  Oh yes.  She made a diaper bag.  

Put the baby carrier and stroller bag into the carseat bag so you have one less Thing.

What you do not need: your car seat base.

It is a convenience feature, not a safety one.  Your car seat has slots through which you can run a seatbelt, and probably instructions right on the side for doing so.

At this point, you’ve checked your suitcase and the TSA guy is scanning your ticket, flashlighting your ID, and possibly commenting that you’ve changed your hair.  Even if you haven’t.  If that’s the case, he doesn’t really want to have the conversation with you, just say “yep” and move on.  Trust me.  So you’re standing there waiting, you’ve got your bag on your shoulder, the carseat bag in one hand or under the stroller, and the carseat is on the stroller.  Double check that the baby is in there.  If not, you probably don’t really need the rest of this information.

Walk up to the belt (do not be intimidated by the people rolling their eyes and trying to get past you, they are about to be blown away), take off your shoes and put them in a bin with your bag, coat, etc.  Put them on the belt.  Put the carseat bag behind them, then take the carseat off the stroller and put it on the floor (TSA doesn’t want you to put it on the table).  Fold the stroller and put it on the belt, take the baby out of the carseat and put it on the belt – upside down – and go where they direct you.  They’ll scan you with their flashy thing instead of putting you through the possibly invasive machine.  Winning.

Now everything goes in reverse… pull the carseat off and put the baby in it, unfold the stroller and pop the carseat on, grab the carseat bag and your diaper bag and shoes, GET OUT OF THE WAY, and put your shoes on.

Go find coffee/your gate/a cocktail (not really, you still need to function) and if your kid is booked to sit on your lap, wait for the gate agent to show up.  When they do, SMILE AND BE FRIENDLY, and remember our first rule: it never hurts to ask.

Tell him or her that he or she looks pretty today.  Offer them a coffee/cocktail/nap.  Then let them know that you’re traveling alone with your baby and are wondering if there’s an empty seat they can put you next to so that you can keep your baby in the carseat on the flight.  They’ll do this if they can, it means you will need less help from the flight crew.  Get 2 gate check tags from them.

15 minutes before boarding, go change that diaper because if you CAN avoid doing that on the plane, you’ll want to.  At best, it’ll be cramped.  At worst, it’ll be on your lap.

Get in line for pre-boarding, and at the bottom of the jetway, bag up whatever you’re gate checking.  Hopefully, it’s your stroller and your carseat bag with Ergo inside, and not your carseat.  Put a gate check tag on each of these and go sit down.  Now you just have to keep your kid from driving everyone crazy during the flight, but the HARD part is over.  The part that is at all within your control, anyway.

Now order us some mini-bottles, I brought my travel bitters!  Because these exist.

I eat a lot of Annie’s Mac & Cheese.  It comes in lots of flavors…  yellow, white, tuna, Mexican…  Most days, I like the white one.  It has the strongest cheezy flavor, and it’s All Natural.  I’m completely obsessed with nutrition lately – much to the teethgrinding of my husband, who prefers pizza to all things – so I must make my mac & cheese NUTRITIOUS.  By adding THINGS!

This is no longer a thing.  Disregard it.  It was found to be insufficient in cheez powder.

The first thing I do is not something I can take credit for; I owe it all to one of my most clever friends, who is so clever she will appreciate that I used a semicolon in her shoutout sentence.  This little tidbit will change. your. life.

Are you ready?

Are you sitting down?

GREEK YOGURT CHEEZ.  [photo: seriouseats.com]

That’s right, while your little shells are bubbling on the stove, take your cheez packet (I know Annie’s says it’s real cheese, and I’m sure it is, but it’s powder.  Cheez powder.) and mix it with some plain Greek yogurt.  Make yourself a nice cheezy paste.  Mmmm.

Next up: something green!  Peas.  Spinach.  Kale, if you like danger.

…or a medley.

Optional: protein.  Leftover roasted chicken.  A can of tuna.  Bacon.  Extra cheese doesn’t count as a protein, as it is in its own category and not optional.

Finally: extra cheese.  Real, non-powdered cheese.  Parmesan.  Mozzarella.  Smoked gouda, oooohhh.

Here’s the thing, though – you CAN screw this up!  If you, say, are too lazy to dirty another dish and decide not to mix your cheez paste in advance, and just dump your yogurt into the noodles and spinach and sprinkle cheez willy nilly over the top, you will end up with a weird, goopy clumpy mess.  It will… sort of taste fine… but something will be wrong.  So here’s what you do:

1. If you’re eating boxed mac & cheez, your vegetables are frozen.  Don’t pretend you have fresh veggies when your main course comes from a box.  Take them out of the freezer ahead of time if you can, and either way, throw them in the pot a couple minutes before your pasta is done cooking.  That will heat them up (so they don’t prevent your extra cheese from melting), and you can drain the water off both at once.

2. Stir in your yogurt cheez paste and extra cheese.

3. Add your optional protein last, after your extra cheese is melted.

4. Do not, I REPEAT DO NOT, dish yourself a bowl of this masterpiece.  Grab a fork and eat it directly from the pot.  Finish it.  All of it.  It is not as good the next day and you know it.

Next week: we put it on a burger.  WHAT.

“Shapewear” is not my style.  I say, wear what looks good on you.  Don’t wear what doesn’t look good on you.  Maaaybe don’t wear your underwear 3 sizes too small so that you don’t get those pinchy rolls under your clothes.

But sometimes, wear Spanx.

Not all the time, just on special occasions.  Let me tell you how they work…

They are too small for you.  It’s okay, they WILL go past your knee.  Keep trying.  You may want to lie down on the bed for this part.  Assume the dead bug position.  Got it?  Good.  Once you’ve got the leg opening up, puuulllllll the rest up all the way.  Well, it’s not all the way just yet, but it’s getting there.  You may have a roll of… something… coming out the top.  I don’t care how small you are, we all have rolls if we are squeezed hard enough.

Now, contort yourself a little until you can get a good angle on the top of the thing.  Tug, work around, tug, work around, tug, etc.  Pull the top up bit-by-bit until it’s stretched as high as it will go.  No more roll!  Adjust the legs, if necessary, and it’s probably necessary.

Note: these are NOT one-size-fits-all.  If you gain weight, get a bigger size.  If you don’t, you will put a run in them.  Do not ask me how I know this, I just heard it somewhere okay??

Go find a mirror and stand sideways to it.  Breathe in like they tell you in yoga.  BEHOLD!  You cannot see your stomach move!

Slip on your slinkiest dress, hit the town, and eat and drink to your heart’s content!

Look how harried she is!  She totally put on some Spanx.

Know, though, that if you have to go to the bathroom, you will have to start nearly from scratch, and with no bed to lie on.

And finally, let no man discover it.  They make stuff for men, too, but that’s just weird.

Who would be offended??

I didn’t realize that I had hit the age where there were men for whom I am too old.  There was a new bartender at my regular bar (which I’m hardly ever inside of anymore, which could possibly have been my first clue) and I asked one of the guys how old he was, not because of his impossibly muscular arms but because he was one of the brothers of one of the other bartenders (that doesn’t really seem like a reason anymore, but I really was just curious, I swear), and instead of getting an ANSWER, I heard things like “HE’S TOO YOUNG” and “YOU’RE MARRIED” from the guys there.  Thanks, fellas… But he’s 23.  So they’re RIGHT.

You’re both kind of gross…

So I survived my first plane trip with my little sidekick.  It didn’t go EXACTLY according to plan, but my hair didn’t get tangled in anything, so that’s gotta count for something, right?  This little bit goes out to my friend whose husband is approximately 9 years old… There was a tall, fairly attractive young man behind me in line as I went through security (which is a mess, because you have to take everything out of everything!  I don’t have to take my clothes out of my suitcase, why must I take the car seat out of its bag?  You have to X-ray it over there?  I thought that thingy on the conveyor belt WAS an X-ray!), but I didn’t notice him until TSA started ordering him to help me fold the stroller and get the car seat out of the bag.  They even snapped at him when he tried to go around me through the detector!  I went with it, but when I was going through the scanner myself and they were still bossing him about my stuff, I told them that he wasn’t with me.  Ha ha!  Isn’t that funny!  Everyone thought so except my unhusband, who just looked sort of shaken up.  I took it as a compliment, that I could have such a YOUNG baby daddy.  It felt like when I get carded.  He clearly took the whole episode as an insult, even when I tried to console him by saying that it would make a great story/blog post!  Some people just don’t want to see the bright side, you know?

Random strangers offered to help (never when I actually needed help… but I like your enthusiasm, strangers!  Keep on!), pilots are surprisingly distracted by babies, and my kid stayed true to form – not a peep.  When we landed, the lady right behind me said, “Oh, I didn’t even know there was a baby on the plane!”  High five, kid.

SINCE I AM NOW AN EXPERT, here are my $0.02 about traveling with an infant on the slowest Saturday any airport has ever seen…
-If the base is a tight fit in the car seat bag (or if you don’t have a bag, but I recommend one – they have wheels and keep things nice), skip it.  You don’t need it.  Get over your emotional attachment to it.
-Ask if the flight is full.  If it’s not, see if you can get put next to an empty seat so that you can bring your car seat on board.  It’s free this way, and then you get two hands!  TWO hands!  To celebrate, I ordered two drinks.
-Get there early enough to have time to do what you need to do.  I don’t mean get your shoes back on or to your gate or whatever, I mean get a glass of wine.  Or a latte, if it’s 8am (but I am NOT judging).  Sit down, call your husband, drink your latte.  Breathe.  People are about to look upon you with great skepticism (they think your baby is adorbs until you are getting on THEIR PLANE), you need to find your zen.

That’s about all I have to say about that.  I landed, my very small mom tried to carry all my stuff (which I think was embarrassing for both of us), we ate food, and then we sat.  And then we ate some more food, and then we watched Downton Abbey.  Home!

My husband and I are just like Danny and Sandy, except I’m the dark, mysterious one and he’s the blond with the legs.  Other than that, though, it’s the same.  Very little conversation, only singing and dancing.

But really, I’m pretty into grease right now.  Not ONLY does it make bad food taste good, it is also good for your skin.  And probably your hair, but I haven’t gone there yet.

This is my arsenal:

Petro-grease, food-grade grease, and sticky grease.  Gross.

I’ve used Vaseline on my skin for ages.  Any time I have a little spot that I’m inclined to fuss with, I Vaseline it overnight and it’s gone.  Pro tip: put a little lemon juice on it right before the Vaseline and that will REALLY send a message.  It’s also great to put in your socks overnight if you have gross feet.  The one thing I can’t stand it as: lip balm.  Too greasy.

Coconut oil is new to me (thanks, Mom).  Last time I visited my mom, she gave me a jar of it and a washcloth and ordered me to smear it all over my face, and then wipe it off with a warm washcloth.  Kind of like cold cream (which is also neat stuff) back in the day.  I like this better, though, because it’s organic.  As much as I love Vaseline, I think it smells bad and I don’t really like putting it on my skin.  I’ve stepped my coconut oil treatment up a little recently – instead of a warm washcloth, I get that sucker as hot as I can and hold it on my face for a few seconds until it cools a little.  Steam, pores, etc.  I have read that people will do this at night and then just splash water on their face in the morning.  Most days I wash in the morning, but I’ve dared to skip it a couple times with no consequences.

EDUCATIONAL INTERLUDE:
There’s actually history here.  In the olden days at the Roman public baths, which are falling apart and huge and weird looking, people bathed in oil.  They would grease themselves up like little pigs and squeegee themselves off.  Oil dissolves oil, so it works.  Who knew?

Finally, castor oil.  Thanks again, Mom.  She said this would make my feet soft.  I’m really incredibly lazy about moisturizing my feet, so I don’t use it for that.  But last winter, I started putting eeety beeety drops of it on my face.  It’s really gross stuff, very thick and sticky.  Recently, though, I read that it has all KINDS of weird properties.  It breaks down scar tissue.  It regenerates hair growth.  It contains ricinoleic acid which is a skin ninja that kills bad stuff and keep your face pretty.  I’ve read that you can use the grease approach for cleaning your face with a blend of castor and olive oils.  Adjust the balance for your skin type: more oily, more castor oil.  Dry: more olive oil.

Keep it up and your face will look like this!

…but your head won’t be that big.

This 5K thing may not hold a permanent spot in my life.  I haven’t yet learned to listen to pain until it completely stops me, so I’ve been limping around for the last couple of days (no, I have not completely dropped the baby) swearing up and down that I WILL DO THIS 5K THIS WEEKEND.  And I will, but it’ll be the most expensive walk I’ve ever taken.

So… that leaves the other issue to address.  What I’m Eating.

In the last 3 days, I’ve really enjoyed a few of the things I’ve eaten…  Chocolate cookies.  Flourless chocolate cake.  Figgy pudding (that’s a real thing!).  Apple galette from Bonnie’s with vanilla ice cream.  Tiramisu.  Yep, in 3 days.  And I’ve never had a sweet tooth!

Aside from the fact that there’s still some of this apple thing left, and still some pumpkin ice cream in my freezer, I’m going to turn over a new leaf.  Or at least look at the underside of it.

“What happened to the rest of that apple thing?” “Huh? We finished it the other day…”

But really, I’ve made some decent choices.  A few days ago I cooked and ate an entire bag of kale with a dressing of greek yogurt, olive oil, pomegranate vinegar, and garlic.

And maybe I also ate some pasta out of the pot.

I made this for a double date we hosted…

I took my own picture but hers was so pretty I wanted to show you.  It was an invention for her wedding, which makes me think I should share my wedding cocktail recipe with you someday.  Anyway, this was my fruit intake this weekend.

I also made this…

Do I know how to woo the couples or what?

It’s a recipe ripoff from an Italian deli near my house.  Last time I was there, I had a “side” of mostaccioli and I guess I didn’t really know what it was.  I’m sure I missed a few ingredients in my guessing, but it’s basically pasta tossed with ricotta and topped with red sauce.

So I added some spinach – to make it health food – and he said I had to add sausage because food without meat is not an option when my husband is home, and this is how it’s done…

Boil some water with a good pinch of salt and add whatever pasta you like.  I like rigatoni, he prefers penne.  You can see in the picture that I used penne…
Add a half pound of hot Italian sausage to some garlic and olive oil in a saute pan.  Once that is no longer pink, add a box of frozen spinach.  If you’re like me, you didn’t think ahead, so the spinach will take a while to thaw.  Open the wine.
Once the spinach has thawed, add a 15-ounce (the smaller size) container of ricotta and mix it all around.  Pour yourself a glass of the wine.
Scoop out about a half cup of the pasta water right before you drain it and add this to the spinach/ricotta.  Drink.  The wine, not the pasta water.
Drain the pasta, add it to the spinach and ricotta and mix it all up.  Put it into bowls and top with your favorite red sauce.

Eat.  Thank me when you’re done chewing.  I’ll be over here with my pumpkin ice cream.

I’m cleaning, and it’s the kind of cleaning where I’m finding bookstore receipts from 2007 (I did not live in this house in 2007), jewelry I wore in college, and random wedding cards.  In one of these wedding cards, I found some helpful hints from the 50s.  Assuming that some of you are drawn to this because you, too, are maritally challenged, I thought I’d pass these on.  Snarky comments are mine.

HOW TO BE A GOOD WIFE [Get a notebook.  For taking notes.  Ready?]
High School Home Economics Text, 1954

• Have dinner read.  Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal, on time.  This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs.  Most men are hungry when they come home [Mine is hungry when he comes home.  And when he wakes up.  And when he’s doing laundry (yes, he does laundry).  And after dinner.  This is futile.] and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.
• Prepare yourself.  Take 15 minutes to rest so that you’ll be refreshed when he arrives.  Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair [all I have around here is a bunch of rubber bands from produce bunches.  I could link those together, this could work!and be fresh-looking.  He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.  Be a little gay [cannot adjust to this meaning an emotional state, all I see is Agador from The Birdcage] and a little more interesting [I do not need to TRY to be interesting.  I am fascinating.].  His boring day may need a lift [so does mine.].
• Clear away the clutter [ha].  Make one last trip through themain part of the home just before your husband arrives, gather up schoolbooks, toys paper, etc.  Then run a dust cloth [ha!] over the tables.  Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order [HA!], and it will give you a lift too.
• Prepare the children.  Take a few minutes to wash the children’s hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair, and if necessary change their clothes.  They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part [I don’t have children.  When I do, I will come back and make fun of this part.].
• Minimize all noise.  At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer, dishwasher or vacuum.  Try to encourage the children to be quiet.  Be happy to see him.  Greet him with a warm smile and be glad he is home [okay, this part might be alright…].
• Some don’ts [oh, good]:  Don’t greet him with problems or complaints [but he leaves the cupboards open!].  Don’t complain if he is late for dinner.  Count this as minor compared with what he might have gone through that day.  Make him comfortable.  Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom.  Have a cool or warm drink ready for him [Fine.  One for him, two for me!].  Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes [!!! Have you smelled man foot?  He can handle his own shoes.]  Speak in a low, soft, soothing and pleasant voice [um, I believe that IS my voice…].  Allow him to relax and unwind.
• Listen to him.  You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time.  Let him talk first.
• Make the evening his.  Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment.  Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure, his need to be home and relax [I’m getting the sense these “wives” didn’t also spend the day at the “office”]
• The goal: try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit [we need a maid].

Okay, so some of these are just considerate of someone who may have had a stressful day.  I don’t know how I’d act if he went to work every day and I didn’t.  As it is, I occasionally beat him home by 10 minutes or so… maybe next time that happens I’ll try freshening up my makeup and having a cool or warm drink ready for him, just for kicks.  If I offer to take off his shoes, he’ll just think I maxed out the credit card.

Yes.

Do you know this song?  It’s very catchy at this time of year.

Did you eat fluffernutter sammiches?  Or dig through the hot cocoa mix to get the extra “marshmallows” out of the bottom?  Actually, if we’re having confessional, I preferred RediWhip with my peanut butter.  But I’m definitely the reason there are no marshmallows left in the Swiss Miss bucket.

This adventure started when someone who shall remain nameless wanted to get some hot cocoa and a cozy hat for his sister.  Being incapable of letting him do things on his own, I suggested we go to the amazing Golden Fig for some locally-crafted marshmallows.  When we went in, the lady working said that they had gone out of production just a few weeks ago!  Gah!  Then, she says, “But they’re totally easy, you should make some!”  And HE says, “Yeah!  Make some!”  And so the nice lady made me a grocery list, sold me some expensive vanilla paste, and sent me on my way.  This more or less follows Alton Brown’s recipe.

That weird alien goop in the mixing bowl is 3 packs of gelatin and 1/2 cup of ice cold water.  Put it in there.  Leave it alone.  Then, heat up 12 ounces of sugar (I used organic, which is a little bit brownish), a cup of light corn syrup, a pinch of salt, and another 1/2 cup of ice cold water.

Bring it to a boil, or more specifically, 24o degrees.  I don’t use thermometers.  Maybe I should, but I like to pretend that I could survive in a less technological world.  With my glass stovetop and my blog.  Then, because my pan is bad at pouring, I dumped that into a big measuring cup.  You don’t have to, but you really don’t want to spill any hot sugar…

For those of you with spouses, this is about the time they get tired of your project.  Ignore him, it will be worth it.
Turn your mixer on low, and pour it in slowly with the gelatin goo.

Mix it.  Turn the mixer up a little.  Then a little more.  Eventually, you want it at medium-high or so, but going slowly will avoid some mess.  It will start out suspiciously (like the top picture) but will turn into a bowl of amazing (like the bottom picture).  When you lift the beater, it should be the consistency of… marshmallow fluff.  About a minute before it’s done (or, basically, when it’s done) add a teaspoon of very expensive vanilla paste, and whatever flavoring you want.  Oils are better than extracts, because of the consistency I think.  Maybe because of the alcohol in the extract, but that doesn’t fit with jello shot theory, so I’m not sure.  Anyway, cinnamon oil in these things is a religious experience.  Do it.

Spray and powder (equal parts cornstarch and powdered sugar) a sheet pan.  Pour the fluff into the pan, spread it evenly with an oiled up spatula, and let it sit for 4-8 hours.  Now go lick the bowl.

Dump it onto your counter and cut it into squares.  Toss them with some more powder in an airtight tub and you’re done!

The resulting melty goodness will give you a mustache and change your life.

His mother said I could bring a vegetable to Thanksgiving.  This is kind of a big deal – she’s got a system and I don’t think most people try to force their culinary efforts on that system.  Well, we all know I’m not most people.

I put some thought into this, polled the audience, etc.  According to Giada, Monday wasn’t too far in advance to make my veggies.  I wanted to roast something.  Roasting is the best – it sounds cool, it smells amazing, and it’s great for super lazy people like moi.

I googled and pinterested for recipes, and combined the two that got any kind of vital response from my husband.  The catalysts: garlic and bacon.  I more or less followed the directions for the garlic recipe, but the bacon recipe added that melty texture that helps them be less… brussels sprouty.

Here’s how it goes:
Wash your sprouts in a colander, and cut them in half so that they can soak up lots of fat while they cook.

Pile them into a 9X13 baking dish and toss them with some olive oil, salt, pepper, and minced garlic.  Then let them sit in suspense for what awaits them next.

Take a package of good, thick cut bacon, and cut it into matchstick strips.  Toss it all in a pan and crisp it up.

Remove the bacon and let it drain on paper towels.  Pour the fat over the pan of brussels sprouts, add the bacon, and toss it all together one last time.

Put the pan in the oven on an above-center rack at 425 degrees.  Toss them around every 15 or 20 minutes so that they roast evenly.  I tossed them twice, and then watched them pretty closely for the last 10 or so minutes, so they probably cooked for about 45 minutes total.

Since I bought some extra sprouts, I ended up pan-cooking what wasn’t in the baking pan with a couple tablespoons of the bacon fat while I reduced the sauce for my pork roast.

Dinner was served, and went nicely with a Jameson old fashioned.

But what should one do before presenting the Mother In Law with a dish for Thanksgiving?  Oh, I don’t know… TASTE IT?  Not me, apparently.  No, I like to live dangerously.  I have the confidence to put something on that most intimidating of tables and just assume that it’s not ruined.  You might think that it’s only Wednesday, and Thanksgiving isn’t until tomorrow, so I still have time.  You would think that, wouldn’t you…  I’ll just forget to do it, and anyway I think I prefer to live with a low-but-constant level of panic.  If I didn’t, then surely I’d have tried them in the first place.

Here’s hoping they taste as good as they look/smell.  Can’t be any worse than the vodka project I brought last year that tasted like the cardamom pod that ate Tokyo.

Okay, my life is back to normal for a few weeks.  Nobody is traveling anywhere this month, there are no major work functions on days that I’m not supposed to work, and I might actually get more than half a load of laundry done per week.  What does that mean for you?  Well, that I had TIME to make my weekly batch of breakfast, and that I also remembered to document it for you so that you can make it, too!  Are you ready?  Let’s go to the store!

You’ll need a dozen eggs and a quart of milk for your base.  I use organic 1% milk – I think a little fat content helps the texture, and conventional milk freaks me out since all my friends read Skinny Bitch.  Something about blood and pus, but I’m too afraid to actually read it myself.  I just shell out for organic dairy.  Yeah.  Now that we’re all hungry… get some cheese, some veggies, and some protein.  You can use whatever combinations you like.  Sauteed onions, green peppers, and ham are great with sharp cheddar.  Turkey sausage and monterey jack are a good combination.  Bacon and spinach.  Leftover chicken from fajitas is really good with black olives and green chiles.  Get the idea?  Good.  Grab a baguette or other rustic bread from the bakery and you’re set.

Pull out a 9×13 baking dish… for some reason, I’ve had better luck with my pan that has straighter sides.  It seems to cook better.  No need to grease, but I bet a little butter wouldn’t hurt if you wanted to use it!  Tear up the bread, using mostly the inside parts, and cover the bottom of the pan with little chunks of it, like this:

Put a couple tablespoons of mustard powder into a mixing bowl and start cracking your eggs.  I try to scramble the first egg or two with the powder so that it blends well.  Scramble all 12 eggs together, and add some pepper or any other seasonings you want in there.  Whisk in two cups of milk and set aside.
I used chorizo this week, and ended up using 3 sausages.  I cut each dog into quarters lengthwise and then chopped them up small.  Those pieces got sprinkled evenly over the bread, then I layered on a can of sliced olives and covered it with Tillamook sharp cheddar.  It’s my all-time favorite.  Pour the egg mixture over that and put it in the fridge overnight.

Set your alarm a little early, put your unbaked bake in the oven at 350 for about an hour.  If you want it a little less crispy on top, you can cover it with foil for the first half hour or so.  It works just like any other bake – when a knife comes out clean, it’s done!  I can usually get 8-10 breakfasts out of it.

Voila!  Viola!  Wallah!
To reheat the slices each morning, microwave them for 3 or 4 minutes at medium-high and then another 30 seconds on high.  This is definitely my most efficient 30 minutes of the week.  Even when I don’t feel like doing it, it’s so worth the time and money it saves me in the mornings.  Let me know what ingredient combos you guys come up with, I need some new ideas!