#KitchenFail

4 Nov

I think I’d say my main wifely skill is cooking, so I’m sure you can imagine the existential crisis that followed my two (in one week!) recent kitchen failures.

First up: chocolate covered banana bites.  Bluth bananas, if you will.

The plan was to cover a baking sheet in crushed peanuts,

and then melt some chocolate,

and dunk slices of banana in there.  Then they go on the peanut tray and get sprinkled with a little sea salt.

I thought I’d be real clever and freeze the bites of banana, which – in my head – would help the melty chocolate set up, the whole process would be faster, and I’d be a genius.

I know, right?  Well…

What REALLY happened was that while I worked,  the little banana bites started to thaw.  Ever seen condensation on a banana?  They’re slippery!  This is problematic for A) picking them up, and 2) coating them with melty chocolate.

I managed to get several of them done before it really turned into a mess, but one of the things causing me trouble was the chocolate itself.  I double-boilered it with a pot and a mixing bowl, but after a little bit, the chocolate started to solidify a little.  So now I had slippery bananas and chocolate with the consistency of wet concrete.

Then, as it turned out, the frozenness really did help the chocolate set quickly, so I had to kind of jam the sea salt into the tops of them when I had my hands free from the critical dunking stage.

Part 2 of the banana failure: letting them thaw after they were coated.  The bananas turn to liquid and the little bites explode in your mouth.  And not in a good way.  Liquid banana is unsettling.

Clearly, I need practice at coating things in chocolate.  It’s now at the top of my to-do list.

Failure #2 – Mexican spaghetti squash.  Despite all the very clear warnings and historical evidence against it, I thought I’d go ahead and mess with success.  Spaghetti squash MUST just be a vehicle for flavor, so why not top it with salsa, cheddar, and some avocado?  I’ll tell you why not.  Because it’s gross.  Avocado does not go with warm things.  Cheddar is weird when it’s cold.  And salsa is not spaghetti sauce, which is what your mouth WANTS when it eats spaghetti squash.

Don’t worry, I still ate it all.

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2 Responses to “#KitchenFail”

  1. Kate 4 November 2011 at 1:42 pm #

    And that brings us to the problem with avocado fries. I thought you weren’t supposed to heat up avocado, but I’ve heard the fries are delish. And cheddar IS weird when it’s cold. I’m so glad you tried this first, because Mexican spaghetti squash was definitely next on my list.
    And btw, liquid banana. Hehehe.

    • Greta Dershimer 4 November 2011 at 2:39 pm #

      In the olden days, when I was learning to cook, there was a “Chiquita Banana” singing commercial that ended “but you should never put bananas in the refrigerator. No, no, no, no, cha, cha, cha.” It sounds like you shouldn’t put them in the freezer either…

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