Lenten Pants

13 Feb

Some of you guys have kids, some of you don’t.  I have something in my house that is not a “kid,” per se, but is definitely not NOT a kid.  Still with me?  It’s a wild ride.  So far, I’ve learned a few things…

1.  When baby naps (as if that happens), you should NOT NAP.  Everyone says this is when you should get some sleep, but they are wrong.  You should also not clean things during this time.  Naptime is when you catch up on Facebook.
2.  The weight does not just come off.  It doesn’t.  You have to take it off, pound-by-freaking-pound.  It stinks.  But it also makes you feel a little less out of control of your own destiny, and that’s kind of nice.
3.  Don’t believe what you read… Leggings ARE pants.  They just are.  They have to be.  Come to think of it, I’m not even sure how the whole “let’s put a zipper in these things” started.  Terrible idea.
bad leggings
Not like that, people.  Try to stick with dark colors.

I’m not Catholic, but I observe Lent.  Most years, I just observe it from, you know, over here.  But some years I feel like there’s something I ought to step away from for a few weeks.  This is one of those years, even though I didn’t know what I wanted to give up.

I had a few ideas for what my husband should give up, though… starting with that stupid Scrabble-y thing he’s always doing on his phone.  ODDLY, he did not ask me if I had any suggestions for him!  I thought about giving up The Internet, but you people are all I have some days, so congratulations, Jerry – you’re still my agent.

cheers
Cheers, my friend.  I’ll see you in a few weeks.

Since Facebook and coffee and chocolate (my saving graces) are not up for discussion, our household is going with good ol’ alcohol.  We decided to give up “regular drinking,” which is not to be confused with “special occasion drinking.”  In other words, we won’t drink at home, only when we go out.  So, really, we won’t be drinking.  This would normally be no big deal for me.  I’m not a huge drinker.  But remember how I’m constantly learning these days?  During the last 2 days, my sweet little child has really been teaching me the value of a glass of wine.

Sweet Lord.  

Oh, see?  There we are, back at the point of Lent!  To remember God.  And I will.  Through the screaming.
mad baby teneightymedia
This is not my child.  This child is from teneightymedia.com.

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4 Responses to “Lenten Pants”

  1. Marsha 16 February 2013 at 6:38 am #

    Holy cow. I am stuck on that first image, which will likely haunt me for the rest of my life. THANKS so much for sharing. But here is the thing. I ask myself how she chose that color for herself. Because I am a costume designer and I live by understanding how people make the choices that display their character. Always. And here is the only answer that makes sense. The company dictated it. “You will wear khaki/tan/beige pants to work.” I have to pray they are rethinking their corporate customer servant dress policy as we speak.

    • themaladroitwife 28 February 2013 at 8:41 pm #

      Ha! Excellent point, I never wonder why people choose horrible outfits. I assume they did anything BUT choose their clothes, they simply picked them up off the floor. In the dark. Without looking.

  2. Lisa 9 March 2013 at 7:56 pm #

    HILARIOUS!

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  1. Going Backwards | The Maladroit Wife - 13 March 2013

    […] the way things “used to be,” maybe with less smoking and drinking (it’s still Lent), but I like the cooking and the reusing and the looking pulled together so that nobody knows the […]

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