The Maladroit Wife

I’ve been diagnosed by a Real Doctor as a big fat wimp.  Sissypants.  Merriam Webster says here that a variant of sissypants is sissybritches.  I like that one. The word she threw at me was “vasovagal.”  I googled it.  The Mayo Clinic defines it like this: “Vasovagal syncope (vay-zo-VAY-gul SING-cuh-pee) is the most common cause […]

That’s how my mom’s phone spells “quinoa.”  She’s trying to learn the T9 spelling thing.  It’s cute. Have you had quinoa?  I’m new to it.  It’s kind of amazing.  It’s sort of like brown rice+cous cous, but so much better for you!  One cup of the stuff – cooked – has 8 grams of protein […]

Only I have brown hair.  And nothing is ever quiiiiite right.  And sometimes that’s how I eat my porridge. That avocado pasta I made the other night?  NOT a fan of the shrimp!  I got some good quality “salad shrimp” from one of the high end stores here.  They weren’t the teeny tiny ones I […]

I’m pretty sure I’ve seen this movie… it’s cute!  You should watch it. In a few days, I will be a landlady.  Or a slumlady, as I am certain that the minute we hand the keys to someone else, the place will completely fall apart and we’ll be stuck with rent, a mortgage, and $3.7 […]

I’ve got a new adventure. I’ve been trying to get rid of junk for a while.  Well, now I’ve committed.  We’re downsizing.  No, that’s not a strong enough word.  We’re undersizing.  Subsizing?  Centeroftheearthsizing… The 24oo square feet we’ve not been filling for the last couple of years is going to go to some people who […]

I don’t know much about the zombie craze lately, but there have been a lot of them wandering around my city.  There’s an entire bar devoted to it!  I’m not really sure what my issue has been lately, but it seems they’ve gotten my brain.  Unable to form sentences.  I missed you, too! Let me […]

I will never understand why cleaning something once isn’t enough.  If I clean it, it should stay clean.  End of discussion.  Anything else is a total waste of my time. Cut to Actual Conversation in my house: Me: Um, why did you do that in the closet? Him: What? Me: Why?  The towels! Him: What?? […]

I think I’d say my main wifely skill is cooking, so I’m sure you can imagine the existential crisis that followed my two (in one week!) recent kitchen failures. First up: chocolate covered banana bites.  Bluth bananas, if you will. The plan was to cover a baking sheet in crushed peanuts, and then melt some […]

          Dreams DO come true!  For those of you who have been keeping up with me this month, I’ve been chipping away at this house since October 6th.  I put a little effort into it almost every day, and took two full days off of work to clean.  Something in my […]

Handkerchiefs are a weird thing.  I get that they’re green, and that maybe disposable tissues didn’t always exist.  But unless you’re using them to roll up your jewelry for traveling… GROSS.  There’s nothing worse than someone using their hanky and putting it back. in. their. POCKET. So… you can imagine my inner conflict at making […]